Chapter 1: Good Returns - The Dangers and Rewards of Giving More Than You Get

Summary Notes 

Highly successful people have 3 things in common: motivation, ability, and opportunity. If we want to succeed, we need a combination of hard work, talent, and luck.

*A 4th factor: how we approach our interactions with other people.

People have their preferences for reciprocity:

Takers - put their own interest ahead of others’ needs (cautious and self-protective)

Givers - prefer to give more than they get (other-focused and pay more attention to what other people need from them)

Matchers - equal balance of giving and getting (operate on the principle of fairness, believer in tit for tat)

*Givers and takers differ in their attitudes and actions toward other people.

Givers strive to be generous in sharing their time, energy, knowledge, skills, ideas, and connections with other people who can benefit from them.

Most people act like givers in close relationships. 

*Givers dominate the bottom AND the top of the success ladder.

The givers are more likely to become champs - not only chumps.

David Hornik, a venture capitalist, is a great example of giver (89% of the time entrepreneurs have taken Hornik's investment). 

Shader (an entrepreneur who worked with Hornik) says of Hornik - "You may be thinking he's just a nice guy, but he's a lot more than that. He's phenomenal: super-hardworking and very courageous. He can be both challenging and supportive at the same time. And he's incredibly responsive, which is one of the best characteristics you can have in an investor. He'll get back to you any hour - day or night - quickly, on anything that matters."

What separates the champs from the chumps?

The answer is less about raw talent or aptitude, and more about the strategies givers use and the choices they make.

*Successful givers recognize that there's a big difference between taking and receiving. 

Taking is using other people solely for one's own gain.

Receiving is accepting help from others while maintaining a willingness to pay it back and forward.

**The givers who excel are willing to ask for help when they need it. Successful givers are every bit as ambitious as takers and matchers. They simply have a different way of pursuing their goals.

*Something distinctive happens when givers succeed: it spreads and cascades.

If you don't make enemies out there, it's easier to succeed. 

An example of Abraham Lincoln, who seems plagued by pathological giving (by dropping out to support Trumbull when Lincoln had a lead). From emancipating slaves, to sacrificing his own political opportunities for the cause, to refusing to defend clients who appeared to be guilty, Lincoln consistently acted for the greater good.

Lincoln scored in the top three - along with Washington and Fillmore - among the US presidents in giving credit to others and acting in the best interests of others.

A military general - "Lincoln seemed to possess more of the elements of greatness, combined with goodness, than any other."

In forming his cabinet, Lincoln, instead of inviting “yes men” to join him, invited his bitter competitors to form a "Team of Rivals". And he succeeded with his “Team of Rivals.”

Lincoln's "success in dealing with the strong egos of the men in his cabinet suggests that in the hands of a truly great politician the qualities we generally associate with decency and morality - kindness, sensitivity, compassion, honesty, and empathy - can also be impressive political resources."

Whether giving is effective, though, depends on the particular kind of exchange in which it’s employed…

*Most of life isn't zero-sum, and on balance people who choose giving as their primary reciprocity style end up reaping rewards.

**It takes time for givers to build goodwill and trust, but eventually, they establish reputations and relationships that enhance their success. The giver advantage grows over time. In the long run, giving can be every bit as powerful as it is dangerous. 

"Being a giver is not good for a 100-yard dash, but it's valuable in a marathon" (though in today's connected world, givers can accelerate their pace, especially in today's team-based work environment).

According to David Hornik, a successful venture capitalist is "a service provider. Entrepreneurs are not here to serve venture capitalists. We are here to serve entrepreneurs."

Like the programs in the medical school curriculum, the further careers advance, the more professional success depends on teamwork and service. 

Whereas takers sometimes win in independent roles where performance is only about individual results, givers thrive in interdependent roles where collaboration matters.

In terms of the success of a financial adviser, the single most influential factor was whether a financial adviser had the client's best interests at heart, above the company's and even his own. 

Peter Audet (a “giver” financial advisor) - harnessing the benefit of giving while minimizing the costs. 

List 1: (The values takers favor)

Wealth (money, material possessions)

Power (dominance, control over others)

Pleasure (enjoying life)

Winning (doing better than others)

List 2: (The values givers favor) => Which the majority of people in the world endorse as their single most important guiding principle

Helpfulness (working for the well-being of others)

Responsibility (being dependable)

Social justice (caring for the disadvantaged)

Compassion (responding to the needs of others)

*People who prefer to give or match often feel pressured to lean in the taker direction when they perceive a workplace as zero-sum. "Pursuing a competitive orientation is the rational and appropriate thing to do" (due in part to the fear of exploitation by takers).

What does David Hornik want to achieve in life? "Above all, I want to demonstrate that success doesn't have to come at someone else's expense."

“What if a conference was about conversations and relationships, not content?” (David Hornik on launching his blog and later launching The Lobby to invite not only entrepreneurs but also venture capitalists at rival firms).

“I want to create an experience to benefit everyone, not just me.”

David Hornik recognizes the costs of operating like a giver.

Hornik pays more attention to what other people need than what he gets from them.

4 key domains:

Networking, Collaborating, Evaluating, Influencing

Group Reflections

Leadership JSU (Thu 11 AM EST)

Debbie - “Success” seems dependent on timing. Long-term perspective matters. Interest in the focus on teams matters.

Ciara - Liked giver’s success increasing for medical school students. Indicates the importance of culture and environment. Read “Go-Giver.”

Chioma - I didn’t like the terms - givers and takers. I don’t waste time thinking about fairness; just do it if you like to do it and don’t if you don’t want to do it. Don’t worry too much about others, but focus on yourself and your values.

Stephanie - Unfairness is rampant in big companies…Love the story about Peter the financial advisor (who helped a client regardless of his poor situation and it turned out that the client had a lot more resources).

Mona - Just pay it forward.

Kate - Disappointed by the metal scrap guy story (The client of Peter who initially seemed poor but turned out to be wealthy).

Mona - You can’t judge a book by its cover (referring to the metal scrap guy)

Rick - Give & Take is my favorite book of all time. 2 observations: 1) The second order effect of giving is long…It takes years. 2) Therefore, I discussed with my wife on how to continue to help others while also finding a way to price my expertise to those who could afford to pay

John - A lot of promises for being a giver but it’s important to manage costs. 

George - How to discern the practice of give and take. Looking forward to the later part of the book - the costs of giving. 

Mike - Culvert’s moral development stages…”It allows me to live in a world that I want to live in.”