Chapter 2: The Peacock and the Panda - How Givers, Takers, and Matchers Build Networks

Summary Notes 

Every man must decide whether he will walk in the light of creative altruism or in the darkness of destructive selfishness (MLK Jr, civil rights leader and Nobel Peace Prize winner).

Kenneth Lay, who appeared to be a giver in philanthropy but was the ultimately taker behind the Enron debacle. 

Networks come with 3 major advantages: Private information, diverse skills, and power

How do people relate to theirs in their network, and what do they see as the purpose of networking?

Takers may make connections for the sole purpose of advancing their own interests. On the other hand, givers and matchers often see networking as an appealing way to connect with new people and ideas. 

*Givers are able to produce greater value through their networks, and in ways that might not seem obvious. 

*"The more altruistic your attitude, the more benefits you will gain from the relationship. If you set out to help out others, you will rapidly reinforce your own reputation and expand your universe of possibilities" (Reid Hoffman)

O Spotting the taker in giver’s clothes 

Many takers become good fakers, acting generously so that they can waltz into our networks disguised as givers or matchers.

*Kissing up, kicking down (Takers may rise by kissing up, but they often fall by kicking down)

"With a sense of entitlement and a tendency to manipulate and exploit others."

Obsessed with making a good impression upward, but worried less about how he (referring to Kenneth Lay) was seen by those below him.

**“The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good” (Samuel Johnson)

*Why do we punish takers for being unfair? It’s about justice.

When people get burned by takers, they punish them by sharing reputational information. 

*If we create networks with the sole intention of getting something, we won't succeed. We can’t pursue the benefits of networks; the benefits ensue from investments in meaningful activities and relationships. 

Takers leak clues. More precisely, takers lek clues (lekking refers to a ritual in which males show off their desirability as mates).

For example, peacocks strut to impress. Some signs:

1. Since takers tend to be self-absorbed, they’re more likely to use first person singular pronouns.
2. Compensation in their favor (3x the next wrung of colleagues when average is 1.5x). 
3. The big photo of Ken Lay in the annual report. The size of the CEO’s photos correlated well with the analysts’ evaluation of management 

Self-glorifying images, self-absorbed conversations, and sizeable pay gaps 

O The Transparent Network

Lekking abound in social media networks. The takers posted information that was rated as more self-promoting, self-absorbed, and self-important. 

Adam Forrest Rifkin (the giant panda of programming) is the founder of PandaWhale and 106 Miles with Joyce Park, which is a professional network with the social mission of educating entrepreneurial engineers through dialogue. Adam is a huge giver.

People go to Adam because they know his heart is in the right place ("Being there for other people").

*it’s better to give before you receive (Keith Ferrazzi). JK’s note - This is also echoed in the Bible (Acts 20:35)

*Norm of reciprocity ("you scratch my back, I'll scratch yours") has 2 downsides, which contribute to the cautiousness with which many of us approach networking:

1. People on the receiving end often feel like they’re being manipulated
2. Matchers tend to have narrower network (as it tends to be based on quid pro quo)

*Strong ties provide bonds, but weak ties serve as bridges.

Strong ties are our close friends and colleagues, the people we really trust. Weak ties are our acquaintances, the people we know casually.

**People were significantly more likely to benefit from weak ties than strong ties (28% to 17% in job referrals). Weak ties are more likely to open up access to a different network, facilitating the discovery of original leads.

**The best of both worlds: the trust of strong ties coupled with the novel information of weak ties

*Pronoia (the opposite of paranoia) is "the delusional belief that other people are plotting your well-being, or saying nice things about you behind your back."

What goes around comes around.

Rifkin asked thoughtful questions and listened with great patience.

O Dormant Ties

Advice from the dormant ties are often more valuable than the advice from the current ties. 

*Dormant ties offer the access to noble information that weak ties afford, but without the discomfort. When people reconnect, they still have feelings of trust. 

Reconnecting is a totally different experience for givers, especially in a wired world. 

The takers were like the black holes. The givers erected suns: they injected light around the organization. 

Vehicle for creating value for everyone

O The 5-minute Favor (Adam Rifkin) 

*You should be willing to do something that will take you five minutes or less for anybody.

*Encourage others to add value rather than trade value.

Create a norm of adding value.

*Giving can be contagious. When the groups included one consistent giver, the other members contributed more. 

The goal of the group is to instill the value of giving: you don’t have to be transactional about it and you don’t have to trade it. 

**The givers didn’t always pay a productivity price. 

The frequent givers were revered by their peers. 

Givers like Adam Rifkin create norms that favor adding rather than claiming our trading value. 

**The key to success in one word: generosity (Keith Ferrazi) 

Group Reflections

Leadership JSU (Thu 11 AM EST)

Chioma - I finally understand Matchers!

Aimee - Today’s reading is Incredibly inspiring.

Debbie - Giving shifts people’s reciprocity style.

Stephanie - Better to be a giver. The Giver-Matcher hybrid is interesting. 5 minute favor is a good practice.

Sang - True, genuine givers leave memorable impressions. People remember because such giving makes a difference. Imagine an opportunity to bestow that kind of relationship. 

Jay - In a world where subtlety is in galore, the action of generosity matters. When you take a step back, you feel like you can help others. God bless Adam. Keeping score takes too much effort. Keep it simple and help others.

Mona - Overall it may even out. Others who have helped me told me to pay forward. Helping people with connections and knowledge is relatively easy. And making connections helps you to stay in touch with others.

George - The concept of dormant ties is interesting. 

Jet - 3 statements: 1) I’m really enjoying Rifkin anecdotes (It pays to be kind); 2) He’s creating a framework (from insight’s perspective); 3) We are not one over the other. Love is the killer app